So I am finally sitting down to write here. As all of you know by now (unless you live in a cave on a secluded island somewhere, which if that were the case, you would not be reading this anyway), COVID 19 has hit the entire world, it seems. This is a major Pandemic, and our illustrious President has not been taking it seriously, so there are those who are not following CDC guidelines and are making the situation that much more worse. That means that this is not going away any time soon, so our old normal is gone. There is no such thing as “normal” any more. What has kept me from going batshit crazy is my faith. I have been attending church a little at a time, or catching services online. I have been working from home since mid-March, when things started to go swonky. They are pulling people back into the office, but I am going to be allowed to stay at home because I am so high risk.
I found a lump in my left breast and have had an ultrasound and a mammogram, but they say it is just “connective tissue.” What a load of crap. I know my body and there is a lump in my breast! I am going to my regular doctor next week, and I am going to have her do an exam and request a MRI. I have not really been stressing too much about it but a second opinion is not a bad thing. I also changed my psych meds and am seeing a psychiatrist…well “seeing” is not really what I am doing. I am having phone consultations with her. I did have a meeting with her in person before COVID got really bad, but other than that, everything is done through the phone now.
I had not seen my mother or brother since February, so I saw them over the 4th of July weekend. My birthday is on the 6th, so I try to celebrate it close to the 4th. My brother’s is a week later on the 11th, so we usually celebrate together. We had a nice time.
We have managed to piss off the Car Gods yet once again…If my car was a horse, I would have put it down by now. Peter is managing to fix it somewhat, but I feel like we would be better off if we used Gorilla Glue and some Duct Tape. But that is another story for another time.
I have been writing a bit, but nothing that is coherent enough to put here. I will try to get another installment done of the story I have posted here so far as soon as it is in good enough shape to make sense to anyone else but me.
I think that is all that has been going on lately. I have had to work mandatory OT at work the last 2 weeks. Tomorrow is the last day. Sitting in one place for almost 3 hours is torture on my joints, but I do it anyway. My neuropathy is hell right now. Last night I could not feel my feet—anything below my ankles was just gone. Then from my left hip to mid-thigh it was blue…yes blue! That was because I had almost no circulation. Every 30 seconds or so, there was a sharp pain in that area, like someone took a pin and was sticking me like a voodoo doll, as the blood was trying to circulate again. This went on for about 45 minutes. Then slowly, I started to feel normal again, and about 20 minutes after that, I could feel my feet again. Neuropathy is no joke, I can tell you that. My biological mother had it and at the tail end of her life, she could barely walk. I am scared that is going to happen to me. Of course, I am also scared that eventually I am going to have cancer of some sort. Heredity is not on my side. Both of my parents had lousy genes. But I just have to have faith that I can get through day to day and right now that is the best anyone can hope for.
Until next time,
Scarlet
inscarletstorm 