So I have been way the hell Missing In Action. I don’t have a good excuse, either. I simply have been too busy living my life. I started a new job in January that was an experiment for me–one that has turned out to be less than promised on the part of the company, and a failure on the part of he experiment itself. See, my father was a born salesman. He could sell anything. Apparently, none of us kids have that same ability, however. My half brother, Jeff, will tell you he can’t sell shit. My step brother, Jody is a born bullshitter, but can’t exactly sell anything. And me? I am more a customer service type of girl. So I am not making any money in a telemarketing job. I make enough to pay my bills, but not much more than that. I’ve been led to believe I will be groomed for management….only to learn there are people here who have been here fore three years who have been sold that same bill of goods with no results. AND….I am not a shark. I am a guppy.
But here’s the thing.
I am okay being a guppy. I am working on being the best guppy I can be with the best attitude a guppy can have. I think this is really the life lesson I am trying to be taught and it has taken me almost four months to be taught it. If you emulate negativity, you will reflect negativity back at yourself. So no more of that garbage. And then….Barbie happened.
So Barbie messaged Peter last week asking to move back in. This would cause nothing but drama, because she and I are just not able to be in the same room together without drama happening, and it’s not her fault or my fault, it just IS, and us living together would cause WWIII, okay? But since Peter’s mom owns the townhouse in question, it turned out I didn’t have to be the one to smack some since into Peter and say NO to him…she did it for me. The real issue for me is that there is this dark, evil part of me that I have just recently admitted even exists, and it has taken a LOT of therapy for me to put it in a cage and put the key to the cage where I can not easily get to it. Barbie brings that evil, dark part of me back out of the cage….and it is UGLY.
Peter has come up with a compromise, that might work, but we are ironing out the wrinkles. What pisses me off about all of this is that Barbie has yet to say boo to me. Even when I had my cancer scare last year and had to have an outpatient surgery to have a biopsy done, she never called to see how I was. That was the last straw for me. I was DONE with the one-sided friendship, and Peter is a little irritated that she only contacted him after four months because she wants something from him. He stopped contacting her because he got sick of being the one to always initiate contact with her. It has been that way ever since she moved out. I miss my friend, yet, the truth is, I don’t think she ever was my friend in the first place….and that really kind of sucks.
So, as my therapist pointed out, I love Barbie, but I am so angry with her after two and a half years of virtually no contact with her, that I hate her at the same time. I don’t want her to live under a bridge, yet at the same time, I feel like she has burned her bridge with us, and kind of torched the town it was built in as well. It is not my monkey, nor is it my circus. Yet….I still do love the bitch. (Yes, I am a bitch, too.) I hope we can work something out so we can at least be civil and help one another out…but we have a LOT of ironing out of the details yet. So stay tuned.
And keep the key to the cage hidden…because my ugly monster is still lurking.